I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
