I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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