I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
