i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
