If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
