So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
