Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
