So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
