Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
