yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
