i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
