never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
