so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
