And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
