When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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