Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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