Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
