ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
