Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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