i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
