nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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