I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
