Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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