Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
