Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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