a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
