Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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