Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
