remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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