I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
