i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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