your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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