She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
