C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
