I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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