Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
