im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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