one two three fourrrrnication!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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