with your own penis?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
