I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
