I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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