i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
