She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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