dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
