8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
