six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
