Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
