In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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