there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
