Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
