ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
