He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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