either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
