She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
