What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
