i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
