dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
