btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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