I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
