She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize