what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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