Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize