So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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