So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
