Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
