Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i think my cat just said my name.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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