quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
