So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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