and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
