Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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