As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
